a look of lovely: 2014

Cousins & Turkeys.

Disclaimer: This photo was not taken at Thanksgiving, but it's a forever favorite.

Relocation to a new mitten-shaped state blessed our close Chicago-Italian family with the challenge to learn how to do holidays a little bit differently. 1993 began with an attendance of 13 individuals. A few years passed, we grew to 16 chairs with the addition of two beautiful Lupori ladies and the little man who would get to pass on the Lupori name. The kids table was officially equal in size to the adult table.

I can remember working with Brian and Lynn to get all our chores done - and nothing about it felt like a chore. We were dusting baseboards, cleaning toilets, and carefully organizing our Michael Jordan memorabilia and Disney statues so that our guest would have the best view during their stay. Lynn and I grew up with queen beds for the sole purpose of the week we got to host our favorite people.

Mom conversations on the phone with Nonni grew longer as the time got closer, and her excitement to spend time with her brother and sister's family was evident in the smile on her face.

I kept a list of all the things I wanted to do with my cousins in my nightstand, Brian and I checked the movie listings and Lynn planned her babysitting night. We would run home from the bus on the day Nonni and Nonno arrived - we could not wait to get hugs from two people we saw just a month before (for Mom's birthday). We'd hang up our backpacks and grab one of the treats Nonni brought and sit down to hear about the latest events on Oak Hill. It was right about this time that Nonno joked that the turkey was forgotten or that the police pulled him over for not buckling it up for the trip.

The following days were filled with toasting and cubing the bread for stuffing, phone calls between Mom, Aunt Tina, and Uncle Vince. Last minute questions were flying as the Jones' and Lupori's packed to head north - It was the season of sippee cups and diaper wipes for Z, American Girl dolls and princess pajamas for Paige and Maddie, and Pixar movies and warheads for Kimberly and Kev. Without fail, there was always a cousin who was sick, lake effect snow, or traffic that killed with pace of getting the best people to Bellwether.

Those nights, I found myself sleeping by the window in the master bedroom just so I could see those headlights signifying my people had arrived.

It's not the food, the lighting, the outfits, or the decorations I remember.

It's the way Nonno pinched Nonni's booty when he thought no one was looking, the basement time I spent with my siblings and cousins, the encouragement I got from my Aunts and Uncles, and the joy I saw in my Mom and Dad's face when they had guest around Great Nonni's table.

I love that we crammed 16 people into a home, that we shared couch cushions and personal space for a few days a year. I love that we watched Nonno and Nonni love each other generously through their last decades of anniversaries.

This week always brings me to my knees in gratitude for the sacrifices you made to get your families to ours.

All my love,
Lauren

#friendswhoappreciatehashtags

"The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.”

[C.S. Lewis]

A little coffee and a whole lot of Jesus.

...with late night airport pickups to welcome a dear friend returning from missions PLUS lots of processes, meetings, and travels today = green lady drive thru this morning :)

Bob Goff says to quit one thing every Thursday. Today, I quit focusing on the big and shift my eyes to the small. Baby steps not big leaps.

Step by step, Thursday, step by step.

Oh, and Oprah - you rock.

Breathing Sacred.

You know those moments when you are a part of something so rare - so perfectly meant for you - that it's sacred? Those moments when you find yourself holding your breath because you are afraid that if you breath any thread of air out you'll lose something to the big sky that will never come back?

Breath it out sweet friends.

The gift is not just in that one single moment.
It can't be.
Sacred moments are meant to be shared.

Sharing has never been my forte. Parts of my heart and lifestyle often default to the "mine" stage of toddlerhood. It's easier to declare ownership and establish territory. I remember when N'Sync was a band and all my friends were so quick to declare each boy as their own. Now it is baby names and recipes, talents and race times, vacation spots and unique traditions. We are all on this quest to mark our spots and declare possession.

I'm learning that the point I choose to hold anything too tightly and claim it as just "Mine" is also the exact moment the oxygen which stole my breath in first place also turns to poison; growing stale in my lungs.

The staleness reminds me that I've neglected to be thankful for the very reason I stand in that precious moment. I breath out. I say, "Thank You."

I am there because someone created me to be there.
It was never my moment to have. It was a gift the Lord was sharing with me.

The Lord, He steals my breath with glimpses (or sounds) of heaven.
He gives me these tastes,
sings me a song,
skips my heartbeat -
all so I can remember that His story must be shared
that heaven awaits,
and time is precious,
and I must share the news of His Kingdom.

Stale air is removed when we thank the Lord for His fullness in each fiber of our existence.

Heaven is shared when we acknowledge His sovereignty in every step, word, and action we've made this hour.

Sharing is laying down what we expect and picking up what he designed.

Sharing is seeing heaven and wanting nothing more then to go tell the stranger at the bar what you witnessed.

Those moments that take your breath away?
Breath them out.
Share them with others.
Hold them loosely.
Give them freely.
Refresh others with the same beauty.

It's your chance to whisper a little bit of heaven's sweet sound here on earth.
You never know when July just might gift you with the sweet heavenly sounds again.

#9days

Post from Momastery.

"The truth is abundance- not scarcity. Scarcity tells me that more for her means less for me. Abundance tells me that when She Rises, I Rise. WE rise together. Abundance insists that there is ENOUGH. Enough love, enough attention, enough recognition, enough success for all. Abundance is one of those Truths I have to relearn every few months like it’s the first time I’ve ever heard of the word.

I once saw an interview with an Olympic swimmer who said that the reason for her wild success was that she “always keeps her head in her own lane.” A-HA! Today- stay in your lane. Swim your race, not your neighbor’s. Quit peeking into her lane because it slows you down.

And don’t worry- you can’t miss your boat. It’s YOUR boat and it sails WITH you- right on time. Let go gracefully of those blessings not meant for you right now. Believe in your race. And when jealousy grabs a hold of you and won’t let go- claw your way back to abundance by giving away some love and recognition. Lavishing it on someone else is the best way to remind yourself that there is plenty of love for all."

deciphering me

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

[Brooke Fraser]

being brave & making summer lists.

This crazy blessing of singleness combined with a fantastic little career has me in a spot of on-my- knees-gratitude... and this summer feels like the sweetest three months of time to embrace that.

It's always about LOVING those who are hardest to love and DOING the one thing you think you cannot do - that's where I see Jesus, know Jesus, and trust Jesus the most.

Being brave. Being contagious. And fearlessly following the Spirit into all the corners of God's plan.

These would be fun little stories to throw into the chapter of a 2014 summer...

A getaway to see Johnny Pomeroy
Visit the Red Cedar Distillery
Find and eat at the Trailer Park'd van
Dine at the Purple Carrot Truck
Outdoor Music Festivals, yes.
Founder's Block Party - thumbs up.
Find someplace that has a great patio and great breakfast
Run atleast 5 local trails & run all Race Series events
Crim with Dre & Tuck? (Al & baby can cheer:))
Commute as often as possible (atleast $400 worth)
A sweet little end of summer sprint tri take two?
Spend less time worrying about what to wear & just show up awesome
Be spontaneously crafty in any way I can muster up some creativity
Lake Victoria bound as often as possible & have Ruz teach me how to waterski
Wine Tasting somewhere
Artie's Filling Station
Make grilled pizza
Practice my green thumb
Thursday happy hours on our porch

love them.

what happens when you spend time with the empty nesters...

She's flying to New York on Tuesday to start her career as an accountant, and she's leaving behind her Mom and Dad. She's the youngest daughter of three; her lessons came from the sisters who went before her as well as the curveballs this world tossed her way. I think about her future before my focus shifts to the man and woman standing behind her. They really are my second parents; and I'm curious to know the state of their hearts.

They beam with pride in the accomplishments of their daughter - that's the obvious emotion. In conversation, I hear the same emotions in their stories of parenting; their words express gratitiude for who their three daughters have grown to be.

My thoughts are wandering and I allowed my questions to be bold that night.

The conversation with myself was something like this:

Imagine this, Laur: You marry someone knowing the most you can about who they are before you do daily life together. He pursues you intentionally. You love him extravagently and you wed with this vision of the future. You pray for the Lord's protection over your marriage and (Lord willing) you enter a time of raising a family. Days get busy, children take priority, and you and your spouse are still very much dynamically growing, changing, and being sanctified into men and women like Jesus.

With such limited time, and your busy/noisy enviroment - how do you keep the pursuit? How do you keep a relationship throughout 20+ child-raising years from slipping away?

A mini-van conversation with my mama -friend painted visions of answers to these questions: "It's like a car - it requires maintenance and attention to the warning. Change the oil, replace the breaks... if you don't the car will just stop working. Then you have to decide how to put it back together - part by part."

That makes sense.

"While dating, how do you identify this "maintenance" quality? How do you know that the person you marry is going to want to put forth that effort to keep things going when it gets tough? How do you know that you, yourself, won't be the one who doesn't want to 'keep up the maintenance?'"

I love the Lord and I know that trusting Him has so much to do with the answer to these prayers and questions. I also know that if you don't atleast ask the question, your chance for not knowing an answer is much greater.

So, I started identifying the empty nesters I know. These are the parents who "made it" and appear to still be "working" - I see expressions of love, passion for life, and a pursuit of purpose outside their children.

And in these men and woman, I identify three things that I would consider foundational when considering the success rate of a (secular) man and woman.

They:

1. Continually pursue their purpose as individuals and as a married couple

2. Enjoy similar activities & seek adventures together

3. Surround themselves with community & family

Maybe it's those three things.

- Does the person you are dating continually pursue their purpose in this life and do you see your two purposes merging (on some levels)?

- Do you enjoy similar activities and seek to learn new things together?

- Are you surrounded with a support system that will hold you accountable & speak wisdom in tough and good times?

to be continued....

one giving up eating tortilla chips.

Did you really think I would give up tortilla chips? Are you kidding me? This post comes from the girl who excitedly instagramed from Meijer's aisles late last night a picture of three of my favorite Meijer Gold fruit salsas.

There was absolutely no way grilled pineapple chipotle, mango peach, and peach chipotle salsas were going undocumented or uncaptioned.

And there is no way salsa is eaten without sometime salty & crunchy.

However, I do mean this title a little bit.

When I say give up tortilla chips I'm really saying that I am going to be a bit more picky about the ones I choose to eat. Why? Well...

I've been on a minimal ingredients kick since I started buying my own groceries in colleges. It was common sense to me: consume the things you are able to pronounce. Shun anything you can't.

Curious about this? Try reading this refreshing little piece.

Not too curious? I challenge you to try eating only foods that have 5 or less ingredients (all of which you can pronounce) for a week & see if you notice a difference in how you feel. Headache gone? Energy up? Less bloating? More skinny-jeaning?

Just sayin'. If you haven't jumped the bandwagon already - take the next trip.

I see you parents...

The car doors close and the council's creaky side entrance swings open.

One by one my colleagues walk in, grab their mugs and settle into their office routine.

This morning these men & women have already...

gently woken sleepy eyes,

brushed bed head hair & wrestled school clothes on little limbs,

answered questions about calculus and budding daffodils,

fed their small army,

addressed a teenage wardrobe malfunction,

battled brother and sister cereal fights,

heard their littlest man say "ava-ado" for the first time,

managed to sneak in a shower, glance at the news, and exchange some conversation with their loved one.

Right now, their work doesn't fit between an eight hour stretch - it's an all day marathon. Their minds compartmentalize, shift gears, and prioritize to meet the expectations of each individual moment.

Their day starts and ends with flexibility. From my perspective in the office next door - their ability to bend so many accomplishing directions is admirable.

I see you and your parenting sacrifice.

Your endless pursuit of those you love & the work you cherish.

Each morning I gladly set your mug out, brew a hot pot of joe, and listen to your stories from the evening.

You might see as monotonous but I always hear stories of the ordinary choosing to be extraordinary.

I see beauty in your mundane

... & I remember that even the smallest moments can be used in the biggest ways.

Cheers to my forty-hour friends who unknowingly have become mentors to my (Lord willing) future parenting self.

& Cheers to another Friday closer to their sweet summertime with their families & friends.

on this weekend & art.

This article is circling the interwebs and it is the best thing I've ever heard of.

Save $2.70 every time you go to "ballet".

The first commute on my very own road bike happened yesterday & deserves some blog documentation. It was an 88 degree evening with gusts of wind coming from all directions. My two wheels carried me 16.8 miles (round-trip) and safely from home to the Pure Barre Studio.

It's love & I'm so grateful.

I saved $2.70 just for pedaling & using time. #practicingtheartoffrugality

That's all pretty cool. But what's really cool is that this whole cycling thing is rooted in nothing but friendships.

Dilyn asked to do a triathlon in 2011, which led to a year-long venture of babysitting a yellow road bike while my friends went to Singapore for a year. Upon giving the bike back, I realized that cycling was something I had learned to like while training.

Fast forward 2 years...

I have good friends; some have a unique hobby of helping their friends find good bikes - they found me a super studly, gently loved, shiny red, GIANT road bike & I bought it.

Other friends make sure that I have all the essential road bike accessories at discounted prices from unique German grocery store suppliers.

If it were me, I would have taken until October to find a bike (and then it's winter).

With friends, the turnaround from inquiring about to actually commuting on a bike was about one month.

So I guess this is a new thing.

Yup. It's actually a thing.

Not a casual "ride when I want" fling - but a let's learn how to

change a flat,

grease the chain,

log the miles,

ride with vigor,

real THING.

Cheers to less gas, less money and the hardcore thunder thighs :)

(The nerd in me loves this diagram. Kinesthetics rock).

thank you, april.

Cousin time with the west-coast kids.

Coolest Mt. Lemmon hikes with Dad & brother-in-law.

Bouncing and butterfly balloons with my sweet niece.

Tried three new recipes for friends!

Nonno's box is slowly getting some new additions.

Quiet post-long run dates & baseball.

Riverview meets REO.

Aunt Tina & Uncle Dave visit Lansing :)

Another HOSA State Conference with two of the best.

James 5:16

"Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed." James 5:16

I've been listening to NeedtoBreathe's latest album and these lyrics melted me.

Ever growing steadfast
And if need be the one that’s in the gap
Be the never turning back
Twice the heart any man could have

Be the wheels not the track
Be the wanderer that’s coming back
Leave the past right where it’s at
Be more heart and less attack

Heaps and heaps of prayers are rooted in this idea that as followers of Jesus we get to meet each person where they are at. Since living for Jesus means a constant transformation of the state of our own heart, we are humbled and our strength lies in being vulnerable & exposing our weaknesses.

Piles and piles of prayers are stored up asking the very same for my own heart.

What if we were a community that really did confess our sins? What if we chose not to hide, practiced vulnerability, and threw everything on the table? I've seen glimpse of the restoration that comes from confessing your sins to one another. I've seen the freedom that is revealed when you let go of the ugly and cling to the truth...

because Paul says that we would be healed! AND THAT IS TRUTH!

I pray today for the Lord to reveal in our hearts what needs to be confessed and I ask Him to give each of us an opportunity to share this with another believer who meets us in our sin with all heart and all prayer.

I pray that we BELIEVE that we will leave healed.

Ever growing steadfast - leave the past right where it's at - be more heart and less attack.

on May & Chicago.

trains to and from.

tall buildings.

lakeshore running.

walking. lots of walking.

people watching.

parks.

big comfy hotel beds.

boutiques & baseball parks.

omelettes & coffee in the cafe.

pizza in booths.

my favorite city is calling my name.

this year has already brought so many great travels...

why not one more?

on processing thoughts.

Sometimes speaking something into existence gives it shelf life it didn't even need to have.

[Bob Goff]

on selfies & results.

to my old fast(er) running self,

It's kind of fun to see you again.

Thanks,
Lauren

Praising God for continued opportunities to feel healthy and strong.
Physical activity & encouragement for others is the center of this heart. Although, those closest to me know that encouraging myself to get out there is not always the easiest task.

This fall the wind changed & I found some source of determination, - I got sick of staying still; I let go of what weighed me down and I started seeing that the sacrifice to take time to exercise was an opportunity to be my best.

Friends, I write from what I hope is a humble place. I don't want to be one of "those crazy exercise people." I fear being addicted or making something a disorder or an idol. I've seen so many walk that line - and I know how easy it is to be there.

This month's deliberate task has been approaching every day as if I were modeling it for my future daughter. I learned this from two good friends who are currently raising four little ones who watch their every move. Kids watch, learn, and repeat. I want all to know that beauty is so much more then what reflects back at them.

I do want to make food and exercise choices that are rooted in goodness and truth. I fear making it an idol or something that can be considered a disorder. Discipline & self control have a time and a place. But it's not all the time, and it's not everywhere.

I don't desire to constantly be stealing looks in the mirror, or to spend crazy amounts of time getting ready. But I do. It's so easy to control what you wear or how you do your hair - but changing the heart is a different kind of pampering.

Instead, I've been asking for confidence and joy through the choices I make and in the way I pray for the Lord's work through me. I've been taking care of this body like the Lord does live in it and someday (Lord willing) so will another little human. I've been asking to see my body for what it is and not what it's not. And there has been fruit.

Some things got stronger and bigger, some things got stronger and smaller, some times got faster, and some distances seemed shorter. That's answers. Praise God for answers.

I write this now - so later in life when I find myself in a stopped moment, a time where I don't feel my best... that I can read this and remember this:

1. Exercising & resting are not options & they are always opportunity.
2. Comparison kills, do what you do for you - not for anyone else.
3. If you have the disposable income, make a gym or a studio or a place of fitness and health your home.

Keep moving friends.
I've learned the best movement (physical, spiritual, and emotional) comes from the best rest.
So be rested too.

P.S. 9 year check-up done! The stickers still crack me up - so does the Beanie Baby I got this time for going to Peds :)

...I'd highlight that.

“If we want to live a wholehearted life, we have to become intentional about cultivating rest and play and we must work to let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth.”

[Brené Brown]

on mornings...

Two out of four months this year have started on the west coast. That's amazing.

The first day of each month continues to be precious to my heart.

It's a new page on the calendar,

with my incredible people to love & be loved by,

many events to unfold,

and the gift of time - so precious to open.

Sidenote:

It's amazing the clarity that comes from jogging with dawn and mountains. Just saying.

Happy April!

Why I Wake Early

by Mary Oliver

Hello, sun in my face.

Hello, you who make the morning

and spread it over the fields

and into the faces of the tulips

and the nodding morning glories,

and into the windows of, even, the

miserable and crotchety–

best preacher that ever was,

dear star, that just happens

to be where you are in the universe

to keep us from ever-darkness,

to ease us with warm touching,

to hold us in the great hands of light–

good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day

in happiness, in kindness.

“Why I Wake Early” is the title poem of Mary Oliver’s 2004 collection Why I Wake Early.

fullness.

the moments that play on repeat in your heart - are they the ones you'd expect to be there?

Do you notice that the big moments - whether it is a beginning (dating, marriage, new house, etc.) or an ending (prom, graduation, retirement, etc.) - are surrounded with expectations? I used to think that these big life moments would be the ones that'd move me, change me, or be the "one day I wish I could relive."

Lately, I've been replaying the under the radar stuff.

because gratitude lives in the small and

expectations always seem to lie in the large.

like seeing my sister hold her daughter for the first time -

or watching my Dad eat breakfast with his golfing buddies

and photographing my friend & roomate on the porch of her dream #lovelansing house.

like baptisms at Riverview

or "meet you halfway" dinners with Detroit friends

and underwater cameras and bartending with the cousins.

like phone conversations with my twin

or St.Patty's day celebrations just because

and 8 mile rivertrail runs after work on Fridays.

like adrenaline seeking with Mark on trips to the UP

or giggles & storytime with the best three Burley girls

and denim couch chats with Katie & baby Graham.

like Claddaugh's laughter fits with Dilyn

or Justin Beiber singing - empty movie theatre singing with Katie

and live music with Johnny Pomeroy & the HOSA crew.

like hilly San Francisco jogs

or fresh seafood and patio seating with Aunts and Uncles

and coffee mugs and wedding planning in Seattle.

these moments

i love.

these moments

are sacred.

gratitude lives in history and makes room for hope in future.

...on hard stuff becoming hope stuff

Pressure makes diamonds.

Fire refines gold.

Believe in hard stuff.

Believe that God meets us there and we lean in to Him.

Believe that HOPE and HARD are best friends.

Believe that His strength is greater; know that leaning into His timing and His plan is the hardest thing we get to continue doing in this world.

In the FULLNESS of time (not now, not tomorrow, but in eternity) we will know what this unclear, hard, hurtful, and messy stuff was for.

My High School P.E. teacher and Cross Country coach died after racing the Chicago Marathon - where she finished with a Boston qualifying time. Her wisdom every single day was to "enjoy the struggle."

Believe that too - because everything worth living for is eventually something you have to fight for.

I look back on 27 years of life and I see a child's finger-painting; it's nothing but blended colors of inanimate shapes and everything messy. I see a girl learning that she can't do it alone. And with time and perspective - it reveals something simple, true and absolutely beautiful.

Reach Art Studio. 2009. YL Work Project - Before I knew Lansing had my heart

15 years ago I self-consciously stopped wearing my hearing aids
9 years ago cancer was removed from my healthiest & strongest self
8 years ago I met these 6th grade girls who taught me about sacrificial love
3 years ago I was in the desert - from friends, family, and God
2 years ago I heard a tea kettle (with my new hearing aids) for the first time.
1 year ago I was baptized (again) in the Holy Spirit
7 months ago our family expanded - a beautiful wife for my twin brother and a precious baby girl for my older sister.
Tomorrow, I visit the same desert I lived in with both of hearing aids and more strength then when I left it. I see God's masterpiece - there is evidence of gold in that mess of paint.

I trust the whatever, the whoever, the wherever and the however this life continues to unfold - I will be committed to painting it boldly with love, passion, and a toughness that is not my own.

This heart & flesh will fail, will hurt/be hurt by others, and be broken a bajillion times;

but this faith is in a God who doesn't quit, enters battles, and endures forever.

And for you?

If you call me thinking you can make diamonds by moving your own tectonic plates - I'll help you try; I'll listen to your struggles; I'll pray like crazy that your eyes will be opened to the freedom that comes from letting go and letting God.

Because as Bob Goff says, that's what love does.

And I promise you, I'll gladly take you up on your offer for a glass of Merlot as we sink into the couch after you are done trying to move that mountain. For all I know your struggle today will be my mountain tomorrow.

I look forward to the moments we sleepily converse about the times we thought we could do hard stuff alone - hope dreaming of the gold and diamonds we'll see in our painting someday - hearts filled with gratitude for the people who chose to stay with us in the mess, in the hurt, in the struggle.

I believe that if finger painting is already always messy, you might as well paint with a friend too.

Because hard stuff becomes hope stuff when you paint together.

...on moulin rouge

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that

never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,

don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults;

if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year

olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either –

your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body,

use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people

think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you

knew when you were young.”

[Baz Luhrmann]

on the you.

You know the very thing at your core that affects your center of gravity in a second's notice? The one that drives you down and moves you forward - that pulls you back and sends you to the clouds? That's what I want to know about you.

This season continues to move me to words. The confession? My yearning for stability and settling is strong. My strengths seem to lie in everything I envisioned for my future-family-self. The truth? Jesus leads elsewhere; He reminds me of Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 12:9 and smiles. Through that smile I hear Him telling me to be courageous and brave in that weakness; because I AM.

Instead, the day to day is nothing but dynamic situations. He has created me to feel deep; He asks me to love hard. More then anything, He brings me beautiful people and all the joyfilled tough stuff that comes with them. In turn I sit with some awesome emotions.

I've learned that He knows my emotions - sees them and has lived them - but asks for boldness beyond them. He lays out reason and has given me truth to stand in instead.

I like that. There is a time for emotions and there is a time for trusting what is unfolding - rooting it deep in truth. This has made me a better version of myself.

I can't generalize these thoughts into take-away or bullet point steps for "How to Be Your Best You."

But I do know it all starts with knowing Jesus.

And often it continues with fellowship, community, and depth in relationships. People who see your raw emotions, recognize them, but know when to tell you to focus on the reasoning and seek the truth.

If you sit with people just like you, you see the same small image of God that you always see. If you put a diverse group of believers together, you often draw closer to the whole picture of God.

It's my daily pursuit to love the woman God has created in & through me - to humbly lay it down at the feet of Jesus. The Lord purposefully molds my small little piece to be shared with the whole.

What I rest in this evening is that with eyes fixed on Jesus, my yesterday does not define who I can be right in this moment. What I challenge myself for tomorrow is to be moved to my core by the gospel so that I meet others with the same eyes that Jesus has for me.

*Speaking of weakness: I'm finally trying Pure Barre tonight - I'm stoked. The last time I stepped foot in a dance studio was in kindergarten; they had to order me a "special sized costume..." I hope my awesome flexibility doesn't knock other people over :)

on emotions.

"Emotions moderated by reason and guided by truth

lead to constructive action."

[Gary Chapman]

lupita nyong'o

Quite a few conversations this week with friends who fear aging, pregnancy, and changes in their physical beauty. Mulling through scripture and asking the Lord for wisdom - if anything is revealed, I'll be sure to share. However, this Oscar winning lady nailed my current perspective.

Start with your heart ladies. Tune it to seek grace, use God's strength, and to share every gift you've been given.