what happens when you spend time with the empty nesters...

She's flying to New York on Tuesday to start her career as an accountant, and she's leaving behind her Mom and Dad.  She's the youngest daughter of three; her lessons came from the sisters who went before her as well as the curveballs this world tossed her way. I think about her future before my focus shifts to the man and woman standing behind her. They really are my second parents; and I'm curious to know the state of their hearts.

They beam with pride in the accomplishments of their daughter - that's the obvious emotion. In conversation, I hear the same emotions in their stories of parenting; their words express gratitiude for who their three daughters have grown to be.

My thoughts are wandering and I allowed my questions to be bold that night. 

The conversation with myself was something like this:

Imagine this, Laur: You marry someone knowing the most you can about who they are before you do daily life together. He pursues you intentionally. You love him extravagently and you wed with this vision of the future. You pray for the Lord's protection over your marriage and (Lord willing) you enter a time of raising a family. Days get busy, children take priority, and you and your spouse are still very much dynamically growing, changing, and being sanctified into men and women like Jesus. 

With such limited time, and your busy/noisy enviroment - how do you keep the pursuit? How do you keep a relationship throughout 20+ child-raising years from slipping away? 

A mini-van conversation with my mama -friend painted visions of answers to these questions: "It's like a car - it requires maintenance and attention to the warning. Change the oil, replace the breaks... if you don't the car will just stop working. Then you have to decide how to put it back together - part by part."

That makes sense. 

"While dating, how do you identify this "maintenance" quality? How do you know that the person you marry is going to want to put forth that effort to keep things going when it gets tough? How do you know that you, yourself, won't be the one who doesn't want to 'keep up the maintenance?'"

I love the Lord and I know that trusting Him has so much to do with the answer to these prayers and questions. I also know that if you don't atleast ask the question, your chance for not knowing an answer is much greater. 

So, I started identifying the empty nesters I know. These are the parents who "made it" and appear to still be "working" - I see expressions of love, passion for life, and a pursuit of purpose outside their children. 

And in these men and woman, I identify three things that I would consider foundational when considering the success rate of a (secular) man and woman.

They:

1. Continually pursue their purpose as individuals and as a married couple

2. Enjoy similar activities & seek adventures together

3. Surround themselves with community & family

Maybe it's those three things.

- Does the person you are dating continually pursue their purpose in this life and do you see your two purposes merging (on some levels)? 

- Do you enjoy similar activities and seek to learn new things together? 

- Are you surrounded with a support system that will hold you accountable & speak wisdom in tough and good times?

to be continued....