Fight for the Family.

So, we've officially sold my Nonno's place in Illinois and my family has begun to walk a life without grandparents.  My Aunt Tina sent us all an e-mail with a list of the furniture we could have if we wanted it and this was my response.

- - -
Hey Family,

Naturally, I read a furniture list and I take a trip down memory lane. Mom, grab a tissue, I might turn on the tear ducts :) 

"Wojcik for Lupori, We're in the Green Book."  Ah, there is nothing like the comforts of Lake Barrington Shores.  This morning, my window is open at work and I am sipping black coffee from a large mug.  The shadows of the trees are dancing across my desk, a lawn mower hums in the distance, and  the squirrel is eating from the bird feeder in our courtyard.  It is a familiar feeling - one that brings me back to Oak Hill.

I opened this e-mail and just let my heart flood with memories.  

The excitement of turning left and going by the "Big Pool" and then looking to see if Nonno was still on the putting green, 

or feeling my stomach take a dive as we drove down the big Oak Hill Drive, 

trying to tie my shoes as fast as I could so we could all sneak up the 787 sidewalk to ring the doorbell.

The jump in my heart every time that garden gate opened, knowing that more of my favorite people were about to walk through.  Slippery socks on the dark wood floors, a pretzel jar waiting for hungry hands, and off-brand ketchup with Nonno's grilled pork tenderloin. 

I remember bridal showers and baby showers, new cousins making their appearance, and my childhood Christmas mornings. 

Hours were spent in that home and the foundation of what it meant to be a part of a family was built in my heart.

[Nonni & Nonno moved to a new place on Golf Lane, right before Nonni died in 2005]

At first, the Golf Lane place seems a little bit heavier, harder, and less hospitable. Past the surface I see a strength that I hadn't noticed until opening this e-mail.  It was here that I watched all three of you Lupori kids fight the front line for your Mom and Dad.  It was here that I realized a family needs a strong foundation to weather the storms of pain, suffering, and really hard conversations.  

It was here that I witnessed what it means to sacrifice for those you love.  

In God, when we are weak - we are strongest - because you learn to trust in something that is bigger then this world. 

This morning I thank God for the offer on Nonno's place and for the healing He has provided in the past couple of months.  I am grateful for celebrations and glimpses of heaven on this earth - I am reminded of the importance in being intentional.  I am honored to be a part of this family and excited for a future of growth - graduations, sporting events, wedding showers, baby showers, retirement parties, and the holidays we can squeeze in our schedules.

I love you all.

Laur
XoXo

Healed.

When I
dance, sing, laugh, and love

I'll praise God.

When I cry, wince in pain, lose sleep

I'll sing praises.

When I fear, fall, and fail

I'll shout from mountains about a grace I can't comprehend

My God is present
My God is healer
My God is forever
never changing
loving, living, forgiving

Creator of everything I see daily
the Giver of this rooted love

my all in all
my heart
my constant.

Sometimes, in moments of "Why me?" - it's hard not to guess reasons and believe that pain is because of where we've been and what we've done.

Then you dance.  Because we believe that sin is conquered by Jesus's nails.  We believe his blood covered our wrongs.

And there is beauty in that dance.
Freely forever.

Ambitions

Lord willing, these are little life ambitions through which I hope to spread the good news and the hope of the cross. It's amazing how much can change in your mid-20's.  Glad Donald Miller asked me to write these down :)

• Start a family
• Facilitate a women's running club
• Help those who need help understanding Healthcare
• Be a voice for the hearing impaired community and with insurance companies
• Be surrounded by kids as much as possible (Faith like a child reminders)
• Invest in relationships fearlessly
• Witness the membership of HOSA's 10,000th person
• Make a home that is open to all and a haven for wanderers/inbetweeners
• Keep writing

Freeze Tag.

Farthest from my mind is sleep.  But I know I need rest.  Closest to my heart is a desire to fight.  But I forget what I was fighting for.  Then, for a quick moment, I catch a glimpse of the battle.  I hear the sounds, I see the fight, but I don't know what to do.  I'm a freeze frame in a strand of action filled movie clips.

Bogged down by my own expectations and hopes, I had veered off a the path of faithfulness and into the empty place of worldliness.  Filled schedules and lots of people - I had met my best friend, Busyness, again and he had tagged me in this two person game of freeze tag.

Approaching a big event in my new career, I was asked the question. "Does it get tiring?" A friend asked.


"Does what get tiring?" I said.  
"Being 'Lauren Wojcik'?"  I gave some half-wit response that fit the deed and went to sleep thinking about it.

The next morning I looked him in the eye and said, "Only when I forget why I am doing this."

Well, sports fans. I forgot. I forgot why I was walking this walk.  Not just for a moment, but for a hibernation period amount of time.  The desires of the world had casted a sleeping spell over my heart.

This 25-ish age is not what I expected.  I predicted uncertainty and instability.  I foresaw the need for patience and asking hard questions. I was ready for that.

But I didn't think it would be this hard to choose joy.  I didn't think I'd carry anger because of the petty drama from life.  I honestly thought these awesome lips would have been kissed by some strapping young lad by now. I envisioned feeling a little more confident in my faith and in the gospel.

Fear was my enemy in that tag game.  Fear froze me.

I can jump off a 15 foot cliff, scale boulders in caves 4 stories underground, wrangle 32 PE third graders in a game of Gold Rush, long board on Michigan Roads, and tweeze my eyebrows without any fear.

I can run while racing a moped, drive country roads at 3 am, bike downhill with both hands in the air, enter triathlon waters with 30 other fearless women on cold September mornings, and iron large amounts of clothing.

I can't be fearless in a relationship.  I'm challenged by the risk of losing something I love. I fear growing close to someone who could leave. I choose to fear the worst in my friendships and my relationships.

Then I remembered- Jesus didn't leave.  He stayed. He died. He Rose. He is coming back for his team. For my home team. For me.

I heard the nailing. I saw the cross rise. I tasted the body and blood. I melted.

No longer frozen, I remembered - I am loved, I am wanted, I am cherished and forgiven.  I have every reason to love because fear died with Jesus.

And finally, with my hand out the window, the night time sky in the horizon  - I hear the battle, I see the battle, and I am worshiping for a love that is stronger than fear.  I know what I am fighting for.

I choose to fight "With Everything."

Speak.

That moment where you've reached the fork in the road and you have to decide.

Left or right.

I look left and I see what I know, what I am comfortable snuggling up against.

I look right and I see winds, storms, waves, and nothing but my toes below me and the feeling of my heart pounding.

This is my get out of the boat moment.  This is where I need to leap.

The choices I will be making are filled with nothing but cold turkey emotions - I know this is the answer, but I was too afraid to ask the question.


God, HOW do I get there?

So often I quiet in conversation because I sound different. I fear conversation because I know that I require more attention. I regret that I ask for patience from my audience in every syllable I speak.

I've always known the most visible angels in my life to be those who not only coax me to keep talking but those who actually listen to my heart and not just the brokenness of my speech.

More then my first kiss, my first true love, a size 6, or a never-ending paycheck - I long for the ability to speak with clarity and confidence.

Some argue that because my deepest weakness is audible and "on my sleeve"... God uses for His glory it as a catalyst for vulnerability and intimacy.  I'll side with that argument.  I cherish that God uses me in that way.

Then there is the other side of the conversation. The side that tells me, "Through technology, I gave you better hearing.  Now, lets buckle down and work on clearer communication. All it will take is a little discipline, a little work, and LOADS of pride-smack-downs."

Speech Therapists tell me it is possible.  They tell me it will take tons of hard work and armies of angels who will gently correct me, listen to me, and practice patience with me.

I'm ready.  Shakily I stand, weary I walk, but each step is not my own. I ask God for financial assistance,  for a fearless heart, and I ask God to fill me with HIS words, HIS voice, and HIS will.

For the glory of the kingdom, always and forever.

I choose to go right.

New Hope & [Light]

Hey [faithful] New Hope Crew, 

It has been on my heart to send a little note of encouragement your way from our crossing at church..  

When I came to New Hope's service for the first time, I was completely humbled simply by the light that flooded the sanctuary. It had been so long since I had worshiped and listened in the bright and tender rays of God.  If you've been to Riverview, you know that our place is not quite as illuminated :) 

I left on my way to Riv, and was overcome with loads and loads of tears.  Knowing the gospel that Mark Kring had just preached & clearly feeling the revealing touch of light in my soul - my blindness to some dark parks of my walk were touched by something that I hadn't felt in a long time.

I'd love to say that all I see is refreshing beauty in these hidden parts - but instead I've been unraveling a tangled ball of yarn that hopes to be knit into something intricately bold, beautiful, and useful.  

So, for your persistence and request to have me attend, for your faithfulness and stewardship in spreading New Hope's vision - and for sitting next to me as God shined into the deepest chambers of my heart. I am grateful for your grace.

Because of God's light, Matthew 5:37 is probably my biggest conviction right now. I pray that the tender loving care God began in that pew at New Hope, will continue to shine on planted seeds of hope for restoration. 

A reminder for you with all my heartfelt thanks [Matthew 25:21]

Love,

Lauren

Light(bulbs) & Questions.

Just received a heartfelt text from a dear friend. It was so beautifully scripted that I had to share in some social media form. Since it was over 140 characters, Twitter was out.  Facebook couldn't be an option because I felt that the words wouldn't be read with the same sincerity as they are on here.

"....Remember that no matter what you are hesitant to shed light on - He sees an artfully, wonderfully made child.  His Spirit spills out of you through strength AND weakness, and His glory is revealed in the trueness of your humanity.  I see Him alive in you, and it is breathtaking.  You are a treasure. xo"

I easily forget that when darkness falls, Christ still has the power to shine light.  Soul searching, deep reaching, radiant, warm, beaming light.

I hide, I fear, I doubt, I question.
I fear,
I FEAR,
I fear.

What ifs and whens?
Hows and whys?

Why nots?
Who?
.....Again!?
Are you sure?

It's impossible.
Me?
Really?
Good one.

Seriously?
Not that.
Nope.
That's mine.

Fine.
Here's a piece.
All of it?
C'mon.
You don't want it.
It's ugly.
It's SO ugly.....thats what makes it beautiful?

Not for me.
No one wants me.

"Yes, you."
Beautifully created, fearfully made, hand crafted in the image of Yahweh - It's you.  This little light of yours.  Let it shine.

Let it shine.
Let it shine.

'da Nonno

I miss him.  The beauty of being a believer is knowing that God's got it all under control. My family asked me to choose the readings for the Catholic Mass we are having soon.  Touched by this honor and time God was giving me, I was able to reflect in the way I do best - through writing.  So why am I sharing? I believe in God's word and powerful ability it has to heal what has been broken and shed light into what has been dark.

I also want my future husband to know that even though he didn't meet them, I really had the best BEST grandparents a girl could ask for.  So I am writing to virtually document what I hope I get to share with someone someday - the beauty of family - from life to death.

(Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 shows:)

It is woven in my heart that he was a man of steadfast dedication, a man who stood on rocks when the water swirled around him, a man devoted to the things that God entrusted him with. The beauty of his faith was not that it shouted from roof tops but that it was seen in the simple joys of laughter around the table on the deck, the handsome grilling skills of a pork tenderloin, and his perseverance to serve his wife unconditionally.

(1 Corinthians 2: 6-9 shows:) 

Nonno was a provider, a man in a constant state of worrying and I believe that his heart was constantly praying to God for safety, protection, provision, and comfort. I look forward to seeing the ways in which God has provided these for him in heaven.  How beautiful it will be for him to know the wisdom of true peace.

(John 14:1-6 shows:) 

When was Nonno's table not filled with people, laughter, joy, and love? Every table I sat at with him, he was a leader, a listener, and a man who spoke rarely - but when he did, his family heard.  I didn't know him at work, I didn't know him with friends - but I believe that he sat at his friends tables in quiet tones, soaking in the complex beauty of investing in others.  I believe he BELIEVED that his family did not stop with blood but extended into the neighbors around him, the golfers on the greens, and the people that randomly found their way to his and Nonni's table. 

His last couple of years were full of struggles, hardships, pain, and misery - but I find comfort in John's words.  Nonno has a resting place in heaven that is better than any oxygen tank can provide.  Because of his faithfulness - God has prepared a room for him in heaven filled with gentle ambiance of laughter, love, and peace that overwhelmed his troubled his heart during his home stretch here on earth.

Love ya, Nonno.