Bogged down by my own expectations and hopes, I had veered off a the path of faithfulness and into the empty place of worldliness. Filled schedules and lots of people - I had met my best friend, Busyness, again and he had tagged me in this two person game of freeze tag.
Approaching a big event in my new career, I was asked the question. "Does it get tiring?" A friend asked.
"Does what get tiring?" I said.
"Being 'Lauren Wojcik'?" I gave some half-wit response that fit the deed and went to sleep thinking about it.
The next morning I looked him in the eye and said, "Only when I forget why I am doing this."
Well, sports fans. I forgot. I forgot why I was walking this walk. Not just for a moment, but for a hibernation period amount of time. The desires of the world had casted a sleeping spell over my heart.
This 25-ish age is not what I expected. I predicted uncertainty and instability. I foresaw the need for patience and asking hard questions. I was ready for that.
But I didn't think it would be this hard to choose joy. I didn't think I'd carry anger because of the petty drama from life. I honestly thought these awesome lips would have been kissed by some strapping young lad by now. I envisioned feeling a little more confident in my faith and in the gospel.
Fear was my enemy in that tag game. Fear froze me.
I can jump off a 15 foot cliff, scale boulders in caves 4 stories underground, wrangle 32 PE third graders in a game of Gold Rush, long board on Michigan Roads, and tweeze my eyebrows without any fear.
I can run while racing a moped, drive country roads at 3 am, bike downhill with both hands in the air, enter triathlon waters with 30 other fearless women on cold September mornings, and iron large amounts of clothing.
I can't be fearless in a relationship. I'm challenged by the risk of losing something I love. I fear growing close to someone who could leave. I choose to fear the worst in my friendships and my relationships.
Then I remembered- Jesus didn't leave. He stayed. He died. He Rose. He is coming back for his team. For my home team. For me.
I heard the nailing. I saw the cross rise. I tasted the body and blood. I melted.
No longer frozen, I remembered - I am loved, I am wanted, I am cherished and forgiven. I have every reason to love because fear died with Jesus.
And finally, with my hand out the window, the night time sky in the horizon - I hear the battle, I see the battle, and I am worshiping for a love that is stronger than fear. I know what I am fighting for.
I choose to fight "With Everything."
No comments:
Post a Comment