Is it comfort talking?

Friday I stumbled, again. Irrational thoughts and leaky words. An unstable heart and feet that shake. A heart that doubts and a soul that wanders. It's a battle worth fighting, a team worth recruiting, and a faith worth protecting.

I think I am ready for this phase. I trust that I am, I have no idea what is about to unfold. I wait and I reflect. I take baby steps. I work on self control. I know that God's plan is bigger then mine, that this is a time of discomfort and questions - but that doesn't help the incredible feeling that I am supposed to stay. Is that just comfort talking?

Surrounded by encouraging couch conversations and a simply amazing couple for Christ. Beautiful two year old smiles and questions. A little lady crawling and exploring. A community that could use what I have to offer. Extended friends and family who I didn't know until this year. A social life that means way more then it used to but looks less then ever before. A heart that has been changed. A heart that needs accountability. I want to keep learning, meeting, and loving.

This year was not what I expected. Social ties cut, new paths paved, a heart taking risks and battling wounds, a desire to do something bigger then what I had planned.

How do I get there? Where do I start? Is there an opportunity waiting for me, will someone extend the "I believe in you" card and take a risk? Will I be teaching or doing something completely different? Will it be another internship? Will it be a part-time job? Will I be Queen of Genovia?

Or will I find a job, have insurance, and wake up every day for school, and live the comfort of a life I've always "dreamed" of? That sounds comfortable, right?

I want to contribute, plan, travel, organize, motivate, meet, love, share, dream, and vision. I want to plant seeds, raise support, build a community, fight for a cause, and see it all come together.

Let me know if you find a job description that fits.