on letting go

In so many thoughts this winter, I've envisioned myself driving my future child back to college chatting about his/her love interests and who he/she "can't wait to see." In that future brain, I see myself looking back on this day, this moment.

Computer keys clicking and thoughts unfolding, I hear myself telling my child that God's sunsets are vibrantly painted with the colors of all your emotions in love.  Each blush of color is a prayer, a thought, the time, and your deepest hopes.  I will tell them that the Lord reminds us each day that He gives and takes away, but when we choose to stay, to battle, to add more colors to that sky.... we are asking Him to paint something beautiful.  Darkness is inevitable - it comes each day.  What we let God paint in that sunset will dip into the vast blue abyss and be cleansed with new mercies, new hope, and new grace for tomorrow.


Shin-Digs:
Holland State Park Sunset
Crunchies Bar & Grill
First breakfast at Fleetwood Diner
A Sinus Infection
Youth for Christ Auction
Brunch @ the Club
Finished John Piper's "Don't Waste Your Cancer"

Dreams:
Making a Foyer Armoire out of an old door
Buying a house on Lake Michigan
Saving mulah for 2015's family trip

a lost hour, restored.

The Lovely Laris Davenport

A girl who challenges the norm, pushes past pressures to conform and boldly proclaims what she views as truth.  Her heart loves the Lord, and her actions are filled with wisdom and analytical thought.  She has grown since her 7th grade year when I met her, but still remains the intentional, fierce heart that has a depth which swallows the sorrows of those around her.  She is a loyal and true friend, one that will remain with you forever.

A little e-mail from this sweet, beautiful young woman was sent my way this week.  Her wisdom through the Spirit read so true to my eyes today.

"For God has not given us spirit of FEAR, but of POWER, LOVE, and SELF Discipline. 

[2 Timothy 1:7]

Fight for the Family.

So, we've officially sold my Nonno's place in Illinois and my family has begun to walk a life without grandparents.  My Aunt Tina sent us all an e-mail with a list of the furniture we could have if we wanted it and this was my response.

- - -
Hey Family,

Naturally, I read a furniture list and I take a trip down memory lane. Mom, grab a tissue, I might turn on the tear ducts :) 

"Wojcik for Lupori, We're in the Green Book."  Ah, there is nothing like the comforts of Lake Barrington Shores.  This morning, my window is open at work and I am sipping black coffee from a large mug.  The shadows of the trees are dancing across my desk, a lawn mower hums in the distance, and  the squirrel is eating from the bird feeder in our courtyard.  It is a familiar feeling - one that brings me back to Oak Hill.

I opened this e-mail and just let my heart flood with memories.  

The excitement of turning left and going by the "Big Pool" and then looking to see if Nonno was still on the putting green, 

or feeling my stomach take a dive as we drove down the big Oak Hill Drive, 

trying to tie my shoes as fast as I could so we could all sneak up the 787 sidewalk to ring the doorbell.

The jump in my heart every time that garden gate opened, knowing that more of my favorite people were about to walk through.  Slippery socks on the dark wood floors, a pretzel jar waiting for hungry hands, and off-brand ketchup with Nonno's grilled pork tenderloin. 

I remember bridal showers and baby showers, new cousins making their appearance, and my childhood Christmas mornings. 

Hours were spent in that home and the foundation of what it meant to be a part of a family was built in my heart.

[Nonni & Nonno moved to a new place on Golf Lane, right before Nonni died in 2005]

At first, the Golf Lane place seems a little bit heavier, harder, and less hospitable. Past the surface I see a strength that I hadn't noticed until opening this e-mail.  It was here that I watched all three of you Lupori kids fight the front line for your Mom and Dad.  It was here that I realized a family needs a strong foundation to weather the storms of pain, suffering, and really hard conversations.  

It was here that I witnessed what it means to sacrifice for those you love.  

In God, when we are weak - we are strongest - because you learn to trust in something that is bigger then this world. 

This morning I thank God for the offer on Nonno's place and for the healing He has provided in the past couple of months.  I am grateful for celebrations and glimpses of heaven on this earth - I am reminded of the importance in being intentional.  I am honored to be a part of this family and excited for a future of growth - graduations, sporting events, wedding showers, baby showers, retirement parties, and the holidays we can squeeze in our schedules.

I love you all.

Laur
XoXo

Healed.

When I
dance, sing, laugh, and love

I'll praise God.

When I cry, wince in pain, lose sleep

I'll sing praises.

When I fear, fall, and fail

I'll shout from mountains about a grace I can't comprehend

My God is present
My God is healer
My God is forever
never changing
loving, living, forgiving

Creator of everything I see daily
the Giver of this rooted love

my all in all
my heart
my constant.

Sometimes, in moments of "Why me?" - it's hard not to guess reasons and believe that pain is because of where we've been and what we've done.

Then you dance.  Because we believe that sin is conquered by Jesus's nails.  We believe his blood covered our wrongs.

And there is beauty in that dance.
Freely forever.