Fight for the Family.

So, we've officially sold my Nonno's place in Illinois and my family has begun to walk a life without grandparents.  My Aunt Tina sent us all an e-mail with a list of the furniture we could have if we wanted it and this was my response.

- - -
Hey Family,

Naturally, I read a furniture list and I take a trip down memory lane. Mom, grab a tissue, I might turn on the tear ducts :) 

"Wojcik for Lupori, We're in the Green Book."  Ah, there is nothing like the comforts of Lake Barrington Shores.  This morning, my window is open at work and I am sipping black coffee from a large mug.  The shadows of the trees are dancing across my desk, a lawn mower hums in the distance, and  the squirrel is eating from the bird feeder in our courtyard.  It is a familiar feeling - one that brings me back to Oak Hill.

I opened this e-mail and just let my heart flood with memories.  

The excitement of turning left and going by the "Big Pool" and then looking to see if Nonno was still on the putting green, 

or feeling my stomach take a dive as we drove down the big Oak Hill Drive, 

trying to tie my shoes as fast as I could so we could all sneak up the 787 sidewalk to ring the doorbell.

The jump in my heart every time that garden gate opened, knowing that more of my favorite people were about to walk through.  Slippery socks on the dark wood floors, a pretzel jar waiting for hungry hands, and off-brand ketchup with Nonno's grilled pork tenderloin. 

I remember bridal showers and baby showers, new cousins making their appearance, and my childhood Christmas mornings. 

Hours were spent in that home and the foundation of what it meant to be a part of a family was built in my heart.

[Nonni & Nonno moved to a new place on Golf Lane, right before Nonni died in 2005]

At first, the Golf Lane place seems a little bit heavier, harder, and less hospitable. Past the surface I see a strength that I hadn't noticed until opening this e-mail.  It was here that I watched all three of you Lupori kids fight the front line for your Mom and Dad.  It was here that I realized a family needs a strong foundation to weather the storms of pain, suffering, and really hard conversations.  

It was here that I witnessed what it means to sacrifice for those you love.  

In God, when we are weak - we are strongest - because you learn to trust in something that is bigger then this world. 

This morning I thank God for the offer on Nonno's place and for the healing He has provided in the past couple of months.  I am grateful for celebrations and glimpses of heaven on this earth - I am reminded of the importance in being intentional.  I am honored to be a part of this family and excited for a future of growth - graduations, sporting events, wedding showers, baby showers, retirement parties, and the holidays we can squeeze in our schedules.

I love you all.

Laur
XoXo

Healed.

When I
dance, sing, laugh, and love

I'll praise God.

When I cry, wince in pain, lose sleep

I'll sing praises.

When I fear, fall, and fail

I'll shout from mountains about a grace I can't comprehend

My God is present
My God is healer
My God is forever
never changing
loving, living, forgiving

Creator of everything I see daily
the Giver of this rooted love

my all in all
my heart
my constant.

Sometimes, in moments of "Why me?" - it's hard not to guess reasons and believe that pain is because of where we've been and what we've done.

Then you dance.  Because we believe that sin is conquered by Jesus's nails.  We believe his blood covered our wrongs.

And there is beauty in that dance.
Freely forever.

Ambitions

Lord willing, these are little life ambitions through which I hope to spread the good news and the hope of the cross. It's amazing how much can change in your mid-20's.  Glad Donald Miller asked me to write these down :)

• Start a family
• Facilitate a women's running club
• Help those who need help understanding Healthcare
• Be a voice for the hearing impaired community and with insurance companies
• Be surrounded by kids as much as possible (Faith like a child reminders)
• Invest in relationships fearlessly
• Witness the membership of HOSA's 10,000th person
• Make a home that is open to all and a haven for wanderers/inbetweeners
• Keep writing

Freeze Tag.

Farthest from my mind is sleep.  But I know I need rest.  Closest to my heart is a desire to fight.  But I forget what I was fighting for.  Then, for a quick moment, I catch a glimpse of the battle.  I hear the sounds, I see the fight, but I don't know what to do.  I'm a freeze frame in a strand of action filled movie clips.

Bogged down by my own expectations and hopes, I had veered off a the path of faithfulness and into the empty place of worldliness.  Filled schedules and lots of people - I had met my best friend, Busyness, again and he had tagged me in this two person game of freeze tag.

Approaching a big event in my new career, I was asked the question. "Does it get tiring?" A friend asked.


"Does what get tiring?" I said.  
"Being 'Lauren Wojcik'?"  I gave some half-wit response that fit the deed and went to sleep thinking about it.

The next morning I looked him in the eye and said, "Only when I forget why I am doing this."

Well, sports fans. I forgot. I forgot why I was walking this walk.  Not just for a moment, but for a hibernation period amount of time.  The desires of the world had casted a sleeping spell over my heart.

This 25-ish age is not what I expected.  I predicted uncertainty and instability.  I foresaw the need for patience and asking hard questions. I was ready for that.

But I didn't think it would be this hard to choose joy.  I didn't think I'd carry anger because of the petty drama from life.  I honestly thought these awesome lips would have been kissed by some strapping young lad by now. I envisioned feeling a little more confident in my faith and in the gospel.

Fear was my enemy in that tag game.  Fear froze me.

I can jump off a 15 foot cliff, scale boulders in caves 4 stories underground, wrangle 32 PE third graders in a game of Gold Rush, long board on Michigan Roads, and tweeze my eyebrows without any fear.

I can run while racing a moped, drive country roads at 3 am, bike downhill with both hands in the air, enter triathlon waters with 30 other fearless women on cold September mornings, and iron large amounts of clothing.

I can't be fearless in a relationship.  I'm challenged by the risk of losing something I love. I fear growing close to someone who could leave. I choose to fear the worst in my friendships and my relationships.

Then I remembered- Jesus didn't leave.  He stayed. He died. He Rose. He is coming back for his team. For my home team. For me.

I heard the nailing. I saw the cross rise. I tasted the body and blood. I melted.

No longer frozen, I remembered - I am loved, I am wanted, I am cherished and forgiven.  I have every reason to love because fear died with Jesus.

And finally, with my hand out the window, the night time sky in the horizon  - I hear the battle, I see the battle, and I am worshiping for a love that is stronger than fear.  I know what I am fighting for.

I choose to fight "With Everything."