That moment where you've reached the fork in the road and you have to decide.
Left or right.
I look left and I see what I know, what I am comfortable snuggling up against.
I look right and I see winds, storms, waves, and nothing but my toes below me and the feeling of my heart pounding.
This is my get out of the boat moment. This is where I need to leap.
The choices I will be making are filled with nothing but cold turkey emotions - I know this is the answer, but I was too afraid to ask the question.
God, HOW do I get there?
So often I quiet in conversation because I sound different. I fear conversation because I know that I require more attention. I regret that I ask for patience from my audience in every syllable I speak.
I've always known the most visible angels in my life to be those who not only coax me to keep talking but those who actually listen to my heart and not just the brokenness of my speech.
More then my first kiss, my first true love, a size 6, or a never-ending paycheck - I long for the ability to speak with clarity and confidence.
Some argue that because my deepest weakness is audible and "on my sleeve"... God uses for His glory it as a catalyst for vulnerability and intimacy. I'll side with that argument. I cherish that God uses me in that way.
Then there is the other side of the conversation. The side that tells me, "Through technology, I gave you better hearing. Now, lets buckle down and work on clearer communication. All it will take is a little discipline, a little work, and LOADS of pride-smack-downs."
Speech Therapists tell me it is possible. They tell me it will take tons of hard work and armies of angels who will gently correct me, listen to me, and practice patience with me.
I'm ready. Shakily I stand, weary I walk, but each step is not my own. I ask God for financial assistance, for a fearless heart, and I ask God to fill me with HIS words, HIS voice, and HIS will.
For the glory of the kingdom, always and forever.
I choose to go right.
