Womanly

I've taken on this challenge of defining what it means to be #Womanly every Wednesday on Twitter, and I find myself in this perplexed movement of diverse opinions.

When a man "Mans up" it is seen as a positive step in the right direction.  When a woman, "Womans-up" we often question her motives, her desires, her confidence, and to be honest - even her sexuality. This all varies depending on the woman you are, the beliefs you have, and the religion you practice.  The ways that you can "woman-up" in your journey appear in the moments where your heart says. "Yes" and your head says, "Nuh-uh!"

The easiest way to talk about this is to directly pertain it to my journey.  The disclaimer is that I walk with Jesus, so much of my "woman-ing up" pertains to obeying scripture and choosing Christ.  If you'll read it, I'd love the challenge of learning more from both perspectives.

However, it is late and I should be getting rest. Let me know your thoughts (men and women!) as I document mine.  

Side Note

*These kinds of debates make me pray especially for wise male friends who separate themselves from society and focus on truth. So much of a woman's perception is skewed because of the opinions of those men who surround her. 

Twenty Five.

You know I love new beginnings, so you can imagine that God's cooking up some pretty big surprises this year. The biggest surprise of all (to me) was how the past 2 months have been filled freedom from chains, opportunities to face my biggest struggles with prayer and petition, and most of all this overwhelming sense of grace....deep in my heart, rejuvenating, cleansing and abundant grace.

There might be more details to come, but my intent in this was to lift up praises to the one who was patient with my stubbornness to get there.

My intent is to send encouragement to your biggest battle right now, keep wrestling and fighting.

My intent is to remind you that the word of God is POWERFUL and the longer you resist understanding submission to scripture you resist a truth that your heart has been searching for.  You resist the only food that your soul will live on in eternity.

Trust me, I've done it over and over, thousands of times, intentionally and without hesitancy.  I'm know I'll do it again.

I'm excited for Monday nights with Christ following sisters, for Saturday nights back at Riv and for serving in the ways God wants to use my time and this gift of singleness (thanks Noel!).

I'm excited to do life with you, Lansing.

I'm excited to memorize scripture and take the Gospel Transformation Challenge, run long distances, listen with intent, hear good music, speak well, love hard, and continue to sink in the ocean of grace that DC*B sings so beautifully about.

Bring on the surprises God, bring on 25.

I told myself I would watch the whole Tigers Game tonight. Although it has been a less than positive outcome, I couldn't help but start a little daydreaming about the beauty of their story.  I can't help but be filled with pride for our city of Detroit and my heart can not stop loving that Austin Jackson just a little bit more each day.

Comerica is emptying out, people are heading home, and the game is not over.  It is less than perfect right now - mid ninth, tigers up to bat - but what if right now, our line-up stepped up to the plate and the first smack with the bat was a game changer.  What if we got all of the ducks on the pond and Santi sends another one out of the park.

This is where we stand as Michiganders.  We are all waiting for that game changer.  Hoping to make things happen.  Change this state, uplift this economy, believe in something better/faster/stronger than what it is.

Or, what if, the game stays 10-1 and there are no game changers - no comebacks, no runners on base, and no chance of getting more than 3 guys up to bat. What if this is what it is.

A great friend always tells me that "something is brewing" and I love the hope that comes from that statement.  However, it got me thinking- what if what's brewing is right here, right now. 9 down, ALDS game, Home field, and a pretty good chance this will be a loss for the books.

Well friends, here we are 11:45 PM and all I know is what Jesus says and I believe those promises.  But I need to believe that they are here, right now, 9 up or 9 down - ALDS title or not.  Leggooooo!

P.S. 2 trophies this weekend for our HXC program - They are pretty stinkin' AWESOME kids.

"Figure it Out."

Life was a bit of a pull, nothing seemed to be filled with momentum and the daily-ness of being alone in Arizona was starting to take it's toll. I had a friend tell me, "Figure it out."  There was no sympathy or pity.  It was what it was.  He was right.  A couple of months later, here I am - it's figured out.

During a sprint tri, it was pouring rain - we were riding fast on the bike and I was alone.  The fields of Holt, MI were my friends and the road was my journey.  At one point I looked down, out of the rain and could see my reflection in the water on the road.  It was Arizona. It was the girl who thought she knew, but had no idea.  It was the girl who struggled, hurt, dug holes, and got weak.  It was the girl who thought in the world and stored nothing, trusted little, and thought vaguely of what is in store in heaven.

Then I looked up.  Miles logged, hours of training, discipline, trusting my training, hoping for results, and expecting everything that comes from the peace of Christ. The road was there.  It hadn't changed. Same journey - different reflection.  This was Michigan. It was what it was, but filled with something else.  It was figured out.

good to be back.

A new title, a new look - "Enjoy the Struggle" served me well for a long time - but my heart is pulled towards something new.  Something trusted and treasured; spreading stories of the comfort that comes from remembering what we are trusted with as disciples in Jesus and more reminders about the treasures we are promised in heaven while embracing the treasures of peace and grace evidently in front of us on earth.

Personally, I have new goals - refreshed ambitions, and a hopeful perspective on what is next in my twenty-something life.

That is why I return.  Writing makes things click - Blogging puts puzzle pieces together - Sharing via the web keeps me dreaming of the love reaching the other side. I like to think of readers who grab a mug of coffee, Spotify some good music, and read the words, stories, and laughter of others.  Writing makes a big world seem smaller - far hearts seem close by - and will forever keep memories alive.

You can continue to expect my poor grammar and lack of new vocabulary, as well as fabulous stories about the dull and mundane events of my life.  What will change is unknown - the story is not yet written, the thoughts are not yet live.  What I will tell you, is that the heart is very much and incredibly tied to the beauty of today.

What's brewing is now. It's not a maybe, or could be, a would've/should've, or a might, probably.  Now is here. And now is something great.

Shel's Wisdom.

Listen to the MUSTN’Ts, child,
Listen to the DON’Ts,
Listen to the SHOULD’Ts
The IMPOSSIBLEs, the WON’Ts
Listen to the NEVER HAVEs
Then listen to me --

Anything can happen, child,

ANYTHING can be.
[Shel Silverstein]

the bride to be A.R.R.

Heart of my heart. Friend of my friends. Sister in Christ.  You are a testimony of service, compassion, and dedication. Your friendship to me is a vision of a humble walk at the feet of Jesus.  We share the same passion for creativity and the same heart for creation. But, you, friend, share this depth in service to God that brings me to my knees in praise.
Without a doubt, tears staining this card and my heart filled with joy - I write wishing you and (and Tuck) all the grace and peace God offers daily.  Love you AL.

Love,  Laur

He said.

Show me open hands and I'll give you the world.
See me with wide eyes, and I'll show you the heavens.
Leave your possessions and I'll give you eternity.


Open hands, open adventures, SING PRAISE.

Where you Go, I'll Go.

Swallowing pride, laying burdens down, and trusting that my place at the feet of the cross is exactly where I am suppose to be.

Taking strides towards my heart and away from society's.  Practicing patience and pushing with perseverance. Creating new finish lines that seem too flexible to be definite.

Working on loving intentionally, shifting through loneliness, and laughing through healing.

Celebrate, Jesus conquered the grave and He conquered death - I've got to trust that He can conquer me and my big heart, heavy with pride, and burdened with thoughts of what if's and "What will they say" thoughts...

He can conquer me.
He has conquered me.
He continues to conquer me.
Because I am not, but I know I AM.

Let

love

s p r e a d 

to the 

OTHER SIDE.

Growing.

The Yearbook crew gave me a CD with all the pictures we've taken throughout the year in P.E. and I focused on this one. A photograph taken at one of our first walking clubs in November. What I do know is how hard this month was for me, how much pain I was feeling from broken relationships and wrestling nights with God.  What I don't remember is how I reacted. I don't remember being strong and I don't remember expressing much joy.  This picture says differently. Amidst the storm, I walked out of the boat and stayed faithful.  I know that things I never imagined happening did, and I was asked to step up to the plate.  God needed me.  He didn't need my pain or my sorrow, He needed me to wake up and get to school.   He needed me to love on and teach those beautiful kiddos. That was urgent. He needed me to lay my burdens down and pick up those of my wonderful community. It was my cross to carry and his light that would shine through that darkness.  To be honest, I was really glad to see this photo. What felt like a broken heart at the time, appears to be a reflection of something beautiful - something beautiful that only comes from God.  Am I asking for a round of applause? I hope that is not how you are reading this.  I reminding everyone that God still works.  God still pushes, still uses, and still chooses you - even when the dumpster seems like a more appealing place then your own heart. 

Stay faithful friends - His good work is being completed through you.

clean hearts.

What is clouding your thoughts, your prayers, and your heart?

Seattle reminded me of beauty amidst gloom.

Tonight at church, before taking communion we were reminded that before accepting the bread and blood of Christ we should have clean hearts.  The goosebumps came, the tears started rolling, and I realized that my heart is in the crummiest of all crummy places.  Asking for forgiveness has not been on the forefront of my mind, and boy oh boy has it been showing in my actions.

Toxicity in my life has been consuming the way I think - and my choices in faith have not remained steadfast in prayer or petition. I'm not vouching for an overnight change, I know that where I am at now is a result of choices - and that choices will bring me back to the dependency and reliance on God that I long for.

These tough choices I see at as my kryptonite,  the toxic things that have defeated me. I vote for change and for me change is starting with purging and ridding my life of those things that choose the world and hinder me from craving God. The things I couldn't physically put in a trash can, I wrote on paper and threw away (I would burn them, but forest fires happen frequently around here).

Toxic choices, toxic relationships, toxic words, toxic influences, toxic religions, etc....

Considering I had the pleasure of seeing 6 rainbows this spring break, I am praying and hoping that I will continued to be reminded of the promises that God has given us.  I am praying that I will make choices that remove toxicity and focus on being contaminated by the love and peace of Jesus.


Food for Thought.
1 John 2:16
1 Thess. 5:21-22

Full Smile.

Six years, Acinic Cell Carcinoma free.

Praise God.

Call It Sedimentary.

This year I've found myself in between a rock and a new place. The rock represents everything solid and true that is behind me.  The rock stands at the base of my entire foundation, it's sediments layering each year and experience of my life.  It's there and it is a huge compilation of the dreams and hopes I had when I was little. 

My dreams of collecting all the beanie babies, being old enough to babysit, buying a trampoline, having best friends, finishing high school, mentoring young ladies, earning my degree, becoming a teacher, discovering what I loved, and loving who I was created to be - all those dreams stacked into this rock that I stand next to today. I find myself looking into this new place. I'm not sure what the dreams are and everything in front seems cloudy and unpredictable.  


Seth Godin recently blogged about dreams and hopes.  He said we should be writing them down. I've heard this a thousand times and I now understand that amidst uncertainty you should have a written plan.  Documentation of what you hope to happen is just that, a hope.  It's not permanent and considered a failure if those things never occur, it's just progress.


Progress connects the brain with the heart.  Progress accomplishes goals, makes dreams come true, and never finds itself without a Plan B.


So friends, it is on my heart today to create awareness for myself and all of you who find yourself leaning on a rock looking to new places, new time, and new changes.  Make a list.  We are not accountable, it's just a Plan B that will be there when unpredictability strikes. 

tough girl face.

Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.

[Samuel Johnson]

I was stabbed by a cactus-y branch yesterday.  The thing literally jumped out and nicked me! My arm was covered in blood for the rest of the run - I loved it. I was forced to finish the run with my tough girl face. 

 I love the tough girl face.  I love my little lady students who are in their pretty dresses and moving rocks and sand without a second thought, I love getting dolled up only to slide on my 8 year old Addias Sandals.  I love my pearl earrings and Dove Chocolate, but I am so excited to cook pork in the ground tonight and load up on BBQ sauce with U of A friends.

I love the hard to hear truth - but appreciate the simple and tender grace that follows.

The Mattoon's are stopping by before their misson in Mexico, Sween is coming soon, College Basketball season is in full swing, will be signing up for soccer league, and I've got a week without meetings ahead..... pure bliss.

Unexpected sparks are the best. 

Great Study.

Practicing living it instead of just believing it. Taking on new roles and stripping myself of what I've been holding onto.  Praying for fruits of the spirit and hope of the cross. Praying for gusto and courage, self control and passion - living for Jesus, today and everyday.

A New Heaven and a New Earth

 ¹ Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”^[a] for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ² I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’^[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” ⁵ He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
 ⁶ He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. ⁷ Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children. ⁸ But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”

I hear you.

“Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” 

[Song of Solomon 2:10-13]

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”

[1 Peter 4:8-10]

a-e-p-a, what a fantastic saturday!

Saturday 1/8/11 changed Tucson forever, and I was studying for a test while it all happened.  Amidst the chaos of events, that Saturday I passed the AEPA (Arizona Educator Proficiency Assessment) with flying colors.  Is it some miracle that I have suddenly become a great standardized test taker?  I think so.  I still won't tell you what I got on my SAT's.

So, "Thank You GOD!"All praise goes to you sir. 

However, this leads to another question - Will God use me in Arizona for another year?

Stick with us (Me and God) in the next couple of months as we unravel that answer through prayers and heartfelt reflection.  Influences always welcomed.

All I know today, and I am certain you can tell by the number of times I texted you this weekend, is that I miss you all.  Yes, I mean the 11 of you that read this!

Last week was filled with the welcoming of Ruby Sue, two Wedding save-the-dates, heartfelt e-mails and lots of GREAT phone/skype conversations with my beautiful friends and family.  God used all of you.

I have high hopes for the ways God will work through and in my life this week.

Cheers from a rosy-cheeked and tired chica who feels abundantly blessed today and everyday. I'm heading home with the hopes of reading some realities about Jesus and snuggling until the alarm beeps tomorrow.

Arizona kisses and hugs (watch out they are PRICKLY!),
- - -
Lauren

What God Does.

God brings death and God brings life, brings down to the grave and raises up. God brings poverty and God brings wealth; he lowers, he also lifts up. He puts poor people on their feet again; he rekindles burned-out lives with fresh hope, Restoring dignity and respect to their lives— a place in the sun! For the very structures of earth are God's; he has laid out his operations on a firm foundation. He protectively cares for his faithful friends, step by step, but leaves the wicked to stumble in the dark. No one makes it in this life by sheer muscle! God's enemies will be blasted out of the sky, crashed in a heap and burned. God will set things right all over the earth, he'll give strength to his king, he'll set his anointed on top of the world! 

SAMUEL 2:6

[Thank you for the reminder dear friend.]

I needed that.

I was reminded.

Battered and bruised, scared and lost, full or adventure but tired of not having direction - I remembered where home was. We were about as far back as we could be in Peppersauce Cave and I realized that all I had been doing for the past 20 minutes was praying.

Maybe it was the fact that I was crawling through spaces smaller then a pillow, or the awareness that there was currently thousands of tons of the earth pressing down on me from all sides.  It could have been the low quality of oxygen or the bruised and battered knees and hands I felt under the inches of mud on my clothes.

Whatever it was, I needed that reminder. 

"Home" is in my heart, that is where Jesus lives and He is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer.

 "Jesus answered, 'I am the way, the truth, and the light.  

No one comes to the Father except through me.'"

John 14:6

I miss home.

I think this is the first time I really say those words and that creeping choking feeling comes up in the back of my throat - but right now home is so many different things to me.

Home is Jesus.

Home is family.

Home is knowing I could be there in a heartbeat for my friends.

Home is Michigan.

Home is stability. 

Home is comfort.

Instead, tonight I wrap up another week in the Starbucks parking lot, googling the MSU game while hitting "refresh" endlessly, and I head "home" to a place that currently holds new beginnings and uncertainty, a place that dares me to take risks and asks me hard questions. 

I'll start with Peppersauce Cave this weekend - this seems like a good dare to take. 

MLK Jr.

"We are now faced with the fact, my friends, that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked, and dejected with a lost opportunity. The tide in the affairs of men does not remain at flood -- it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is adamant to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residues of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words, "Too late."

Close to Home.

Tucson could really use your prayers right now.  I feel like I am in the middle of a battle zone and that there are armies of angels overhead fighting for peace and healing.  It's amazing how I seem to live in this HUGE city, but that a nationwide catastrophe happened at the Safeway Grocery store just 2 miles down the street. That 6 people died on the sidewalk I take every Sunday morning and Friday night.

In my selfish opinion, that is way too close to home.

Which is bringing me to question the reality of my own sheltered heart and the question - is my faith only strong when I know it is protected?

That's hard.

Top 10 of 2010

Here is my most played on I-tunes...Don't judge :)

1. Marc Cohn - "Walking in Memphis"
2. Miley Cyrus - "The Climb"
3. Jars of Clay - "Amazing Grace"
4. Ryan Adams - "New York, New York"
5. Ryan Adams - "Let it Ride"
6. Ryan Adams - "Come Pick me Up" [Elizabethtown Soundtrack]
7. Mat Kearny - "Nothing left to lose"
8. Jeremy Camp - "Give me Jesus"
9. Matt Wertz - "Everything's Right"
10. Goo Goo Dolls - "Iris"

Reflect.

20 Questions for a New Year’s Eve Reflection (Posted on [in]couraged blog) 

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

GRACE

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

GRACE

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

PEACE during uncertainty

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

PEACE with the unexpected or biggest leaps

5. Pick three words to describe 2010.

Full of Adventure.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

Patience

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

Selfish Thinking

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

In BOLD conversations that reflected honesty and progression.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

Conversations are hard, but they provide movement if done with truth and grace.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2010 for you.

"Flying by the seat of my pants."  :) OR "That's interesting...." According to my friend Dilyn.