two hours.

What would you do if you had 2 hours of spare time (other then be with family and friends)?

This was the question I was asked by a friend last night, and had trouble sleeping because I really did not have an answer. I have never been really good at having free time, if that makes sense. In this part of my life, I feel that there is open door for lots of "free time". And where I am stumped is knowing when to follow the to-do list and when to follow the leisure list.

My time is usually filled with me feeling like I am busy or like I need to be busy. Unproductive hours in my day seem like a waste, like I am not doing everything I can.

But Jesus died on the cross and it was finished. That is the bottom line. He did everything I am trying to do and He completed it. The to-do list moved to the "done" pile. Nothing I can do, say, or produce is accomplishing something that has not already been done by Jesus Christ.

This is a minuscule version of what Megan and Dan Orr talked about at Work Weekend this year, but after being asked that question I realized how relevant "It is Finished" is to my life.

So what would I do if I had two hours of pure leisure time (other then be with family and friends)? MY next question is"Was this planned or unplanned leisure time?" :]

leisure time.

• Get lost on a run or drive
• Play outside (frisbee, bike, canoe, trails, longboard, etc.)
• Phone/E-mail/Write a friend
• attend a sporting event (if I had tickets)
• cruise downtown ann arbor/lansing
• phone/e-mail/write a friend or family member
• cook or bake something new
• download algebra problems and test my knowledge
• word searches and attempting to do cross words/sudoku
• attend festivals/concerts/random happenings
• practice one of the many new things I want to learn
• devotional time is always great too

I enjoy being with people for most of these items, but that was contradictory to the question. So there's the little list. It was a fun thing to put together, and now it is my hope that I will continue to see opportunities where I can stop. put my to do list down. rest. relax. and remember that IT IS FINISHED.

according to the Gospel of Matthew.

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

scatterbrained

The past couple of weeks have been filled with roommate conversations, e-mails, resource sharing, side hugs, high fives, walks around East Lansing, podcasts comparisons, baseball rivalry, hallway chats, summer ideas; the works.

I just pray that God will continue showing me how to maintain relationships from a distance, with smallers amounts of time, and multiple schedules.

It's leaving me a little scatterbrained.

one WHOLE year!

PRAISE THE LORD!

one year.
one year until I see Dr. Charles Koopman.
one WHOLE year.
that's 365 days.
no more otolaryngology.
for a YEAR.
no more acinic cell carcinoma.
until next may!
no more cheek/throat needle biopsies and MRIs.
until 2010. two thousand and TEN!

thank you God....
for your healing hands.
your talented doctors.
and your ultimate plan.

this will be celebrated.
tomorrow :]

a little self talk.

Doubt is like soap scum. It builds up and leaves residue and takes a bunch of extra scraping to remove.

A lot of times when I hit the pavement for a run I am starting to scrape all that residue, all that junk that builds up on my heart. This morning on one of my runs I had the idea to blog my little pep speech in hope of getting to hear yours. This little ramble of words is usually a gist of what I mumble together when I need a little shove, convincing, or reminder. It is pretty consistent with what I usually say.
----------
You'r goal is not to be a number. Time doesn't matter. Size doesn't matter.
You're goal is not to be someone else. God created YOU in HIS image.
You're goal is not to be who you used to be. Keep changing, moving, and challenging.
You're goal is not to be who you are. Keep asking, keep seeking, keep opening doors.

You're goal is to love. Love your Lord, love yourself, your enemy, your friends, your family
You're goal is to be self controlled. Satan may tempt you, but the Lord will sustain you.
You're goal is to hope. Hope for the imaginable and the unimaginable.
You're goal is to seek joy. Joy in all situations, in all words, in all actions.
You're goal is to keep running. Keep pushing. Keep persevering. Keep fighting.
You're goal is to never stop putting God first.
You're goal is to test your heart, your soul, your mind, your strength.

can't get away:rush of fools

I am an arrow, I am a rocket
I am a river and nothing can stop it
Cause You are the target and You are the atmosphere
You are the ocean that keeps pulling me, You're pulling me here

[Chorus:]
And I, can't get away, can't get away
Can't get away, can't get away
I can't get away, can't get away...I keep running into You
[repeat]

I am a beggar, You are the table
I am so helpless, God You are so able
And when I get turned around You change my direction
You're so perfect, I'm so broken, here You come with arms wide open
Chasing after me down every road
You're always waiting there
[Chorus]
Even when I close my eyes, I can't help but see
There's no place that I can hide, You're such a part of me
I can't get away cause I keep running into You
I can't get away...

SHOUT SHOUT SHOUT...Praise The Lord!

In anything and everything...

How do you know when to go? How do you know when to stop? How do you know what the boundaries are? What is the edge? Why are we so tempted to go to the edge?

This man was hiring a new driver for his carriage. He asked all the applicants this question:
How close can you get to the cliff without going over?

Many different answers were given...4 inches, 1/4 of an inch, and the guy who was hired said
"I have no idea how close I can get to it, but I know how far away from the edge I can get."

What a statement. What if we knew how far away we could get from that edge in our life?

First, establish that one or two things that is always tempting you, testing you, and trying you. That little nagging thought that never leaves your mind. Those idols that we put before God.

Now, remember a time when you tested the edge. You kept eating that snack even though you were full, you gossiped or lied because it sounded better, you went a little bit too far with your significant other because it just felt right. Even if it felt right at the time, I guarantee there was still that little voice of conviction or honesty that spoke. My voice always speaks softly prior to testing the edge, and then VERY LOUD after I've gone over.

I wish that prior voice was a little bit louder, a little bit bolder, and a little bit more defined. And it can be. That voice can SHOUT. It's called the word of God, and it is bolder then any other as you know where to find that voice.

The word of God tell, written in our hearts, will help us know when to stop and when to go. It will let us see the edge, test the edge, but not fall off the edge. The word of God is powerful and challenging, it is honest and convicting, but you will not fail when you need its guidance and protection. It will speak BOLDLY and it will SHOUT when you are being tempted.

There have been several different things in the past four years that have consumed my thoughts, my actions, and caused me to redefine the lines in my life. Some of them were good things and others were the "I wish I had been more careful" things. They are what they are, but I don't want them to be what they are four years from now. I want to know that I've grown and that I can ask God to intervene and SHOUT at me so it won't happen again.

Here is a great verse to start with some of those struggles. Matthew 4: 1-11

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple.

"If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written:
" 'He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone."

Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me." Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'"

Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

I pray that the angels attend to you when you feel close to that edge, I pray that the God of all Gods shouts his words in your heart so loud that you get goosebumps :]

the dot game.

When we were little and at a restaurant, there was this game that my mom and dad would always start on the paper place mats.

I'm sure you've played it before, the one where you set up a grid of somthing like 20 x 20 dots, and you just start connecting lines between you and your partner hoping to make a square. At the end, when all the dots were connected who ever had the most number of squares was the winner. (see left).

some were started a while ago in WORD, just needed to copy and paste.
Lots of new thoughts and ideas on my mind, trying to connect dots and learn new things.
It's a pretty cool time in life, things seem so untraceable but so real at the same time.

so here's to the string of post clogging up your dashboard. here's to the dots we are all trying to connect.

here's to the chances we have to go outside the lines, take a diagonal pathway, zig zag it up, but still remember our boundaries - the word of God.

furious longing.

This little black book I am reading right now is leaving me in tears every night. A simple 5 pages of very few words are being written permanently on my heart. The Furious Longing of God by Brennan Manning, is a small in stature but BIG in wisdom book.

I've told many of you that I always have to be careful about the books I read because I will believe what it says and assume that it is based off God's words without even checking. Well, not this time.

I've never heard of Brennan Manning before, partially because I avoid Christian books, but also because titles like The Ragamuffin Gospel and The Furious Longing of God intimidate me. Unless they have a good cover, I won't even think of reading them. So here I am, reading the first chapter on Amazon and pretty much electrocuting myself because the tears are splashing on my keyboard :] haha. I knew this book was going to hit me in those deep corners and force me to keep looking face to face with my inner white elephant(s).

And the best part...My bible is open when I am reading it. Brennan Manning paints the scripture into his writing in a way that causes me to want to search the bible, it leads me to God's words and takes the focus off of the authors.

That is powerful.

"The men and women who are truly filled with light are those who have gazed deeply into the darkest of their own imperfect existence." [brennan manning]

This brings me to what Dilyn and I talked about on our walk yesterday...how it is our immediate response to go to other people before we go to God. How we stifle God's voice to a whisper because we make our lives so busy and filled with noise, but really, God is SHOUTING and SINGING, and LAUGHING, and LOVING BOLDLY...every second of every day.

Take a walk down Grand River, right before 10:20 classes, turn off your I-pod, and just listen. Open your eyes to the people around you, making your heart vulnerable to those you see, turn your ears towards your prayers and to the shouts that God is boldly sending your way.

God is everywhere and that is a great reinforcment for the hope He has placed in our hearts.

almost sugar-free!

hello friends.
this is an encouraging blog post. so put your encouraging hat on.

this summer i am going home to live with my parents, and it is one of my main goals and missions to help my mom stop smoking. She has asked me to hold her accountable, and I graciously accepted. I've been doing a ton of research on this and trying to figure out the best way I can help her, I decided that on April 24th that one of the best ways to do this would be by giving something up that I really like too. What would that be? Well SUGAR of course!

So here were my guidelines:

Objective: Give up processed sugar as much as I could (candy/sweets/cookies/etc.)
Goal: Only eat sweets 2 times in two weeks.
Known Hardest Obstacle: All the sweets at our house and the Leadership desserts
Known Easiest part: taking it out of my coffee/oatmeal

Unknown discovery: Remove sugar from a.m. meals and you will be less likely to eat it throughout the day, people are offended when you turn down their food, I eat sugar a lot and this was good for me to analyze.

Anyways, this blog is a cry for help for the next couple of days until Saturday. I didn't have dessert from leadership or WYLDlife, I've munched from the puppy chow on the table Saturday night, and nothing today.

I've realized the addictive behavior sugar can play and hope that it provides a little bit of vulnerability in my heart towards my mom and her addiction. I am excited to continue with this experiment, but know that I can't wait for a graduation treat :] oh and know that i don't do substitute sugar either (except for diet soda), that is a chemical disaster just waiting to give you cancer!

much love.

powerful song.

Goodbye my Lover.
by James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

[chorus below]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

[chorus]

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.