happy birthday right ear scar :]

Coincidentally I just got done reading my friend Dilyn Duffey's blog about her year-ago incident with a basketball court and her ACL. As I was reading her blog I was both saddened and uplifted by her encouraging and honest words. Dilyn has an incredible strength and faith in God that has gotten her through this trying time of coping with an instable joint that should provide constant stability through all daily tasks and her love for basketball. After reading Dil's blog, I began my reflection on four years ago, and want to give her some encouragement regarding her line "i know if i come back i will have to come back slow and i can't do that."

Everything she experienced a year ago, was similar to the emotions I felt four years ago. No one can begin to comprehend God's plan is for our bodies and the healing that will/won't take place after small or large surgery.

Here goes my scar story.
Four years ago today was my first experience in the hospital for any reason outside of a small sprain or visiting another friend or family member. It was supposedly supposed to be a small operation where I was considered to be an out-patient. I arrived ready for an operation that would leave a tiny "face-lift scar" below my right ear that would not even be visible without a magnifying glass or my dad's glasses.

Little did I know that I would wake up from a 9 hour operation (supposed to be 45 minutes), with a lot more then a face lift scar. Still feeling quite loopy from the meds, and with a throat that was incredible sore from the breathing tube....my Dad woke up in the chair next to me and came and held my hand. He explained to me what had happend. Although their original plan was just to move the pea sized, benign, Warthin's tumor (commonly found in middle aged white men)...They discovered more then they expected.

Dad explained that my tumor was a bit larger then a golf ball and was attached to my parotid salivary gland. They were a bit worried about the looks of the tumor and ended up removing over 85% of my salivary gland for precautions. This harmless little tumor would later be determined to be Acinic Cell Carcinoma, a malignant (cancerous) tumor of a salivary gland.

Whoa. What? Cancer? At barely 18 years old? I can do this. My favorite question for the next year became..."What is the next step? How are we going to battle this?" Well the decision was made to do no further treatment and just monitor it VERY closely. That brings me to today! Four years ago I was diagnosed and I have one more year until the remission stage is over! HOORAH!

Honestly I think the hardest part about the "C-Word" was telling people. Just like Dilyn, I didn't want people to see it as a weakness or something to be pitied. In fact, I believe Maryclaire, Alex, and Anna did most of the dirty work for me. I didn't want to see those sad puppy dog eyes that comes along with the word "cancer" because it makes it look like something that already defeats us. Well not this lady.

Yes, cancer has been the cause of death for so many of our closest realitives. It is a hard, trying, and invasive disease that leaves no room for sympathy. It can come back at anytime, you have no control over it's domination in your body. There are things you can do to prevent cancer, and by all means I wholeheartedly encourage everyone to take those steps.

I believe that cancer comes in different forms for everyone. Cancer is something that dwells within us, causes us to feel weak and inferior, and could spread and consume our thoughts at any moment of any day. For Dil, this is her not up to par knees. For my mom, it's her struggle to quit smoking. For my Nonno, it's his inability to overcome the depression that comes from the loss of the only woman he ever loved.

The strongest weapon you can have in a battle with your form of cancer is Jesus. He is the only one who understands how we feel here on earth and connects it directly with God's plan for our future. Jesus knows our anger, our questions, our doubts, our sadness but he also knows God's hope for us.

Today I am celebrating being one year away from what science labels as the end of my remission period. I am also celebrating the amount of trials, emotions, and struggles I've faced in the past four years. Healing is always a slow process to the one who is injured, but it is God's healing that is taking place. Remember God creates BEAUTIFUL things.

I can only imagine how much time and healing He wants to put into our injuries to create them into something beautiful as well.